Bullycide in Our Front Yard
Rhianna Lynn Morawitz, age 14, has died. Preliminary reports say this first-year high school student from Wichita took her own life on Wednesday, September 21, 2011, because of suffering at the hands of one or more bullies.
This death came on the heels of grieving for the loss of another 14 year old – Jamey Rodemeyer of Williamsville, NY – who took his own life just three days before … because of bullying.
It also comes only a week after Tammy Aaberg delivered a petition with 145,000 signatures to her Minnesota Congressional Representative in the hope that the presidential hopeful would publicly denounce anti-gay-bullying … which contributed to the suicide of her 15-year-old son, Justin, in July of 2010.
But Rhianna – though she is one of many – is one of our own. This death is up close and personal … right in our own Wichita front yard. It was evident to practically everyone – except to whomever bullied her – that Rhianna Morawitz was beautiful; but all of that blossoming beauty is lost to us now.
Bullying in ANY form is the cause of interpersonal violence in almost EVERY form – whether it is school-yard conflict, social media meanness, teen dating violence, domestic violence involving adults who should have learned better, and countless other examples. And in Jamey’s and Justin’s case, they were targeted for bullying (like so many others) because of their sexuality – which should be nobody’s business but their own.
Nine out of 10 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) students experience harassment at school.1 These students are up to four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers, and studies show that more than 1/3 of all LGBT youth have attempted suicide.2 Suicidal Signs and Facts,” The Trevor Project, 2010
And yet, regardless of whether some beautiful human being takes her or his own life because of any form of bullying or not, it is important for all of us to recognize that suicide is a permanent solution to what is always (or at least almost always) a temporary problem. Problems may not feel temporary to a person who has very little experience successfully dealing with trauma in life, or to someone who is enduring great or overwhelming physical or emotional pain; but this is the reality. Problems tend to be fleeting; suicide is permanent.
This is why each of us has to be well-connected with as many supportive people as possible – people who care enough to make a positive (and sometimes life-saving) difference in our lives. We also need to BE those kinds of people to others who need our strength when their own sense of personal power is failing them. And remember: even Superman has his Kryptonite vulnerability, and needs help sometime.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow is quoted as having said, “A torn jacket is soon mended; but hard words bruise the heart of a child.” Rhianna Morawitz was just a child … and her heart was clearly bruised … damaged so much that she found the pain of the bruising unbearable. And yet, it is ultimately not the words of other people that actually hurt us; it’s the meaning we give to the words they utter.
If I look at you with a snarl on my face and venom dripping from my eyes and spit out the word “citehtapa” you might feel personally attacked based on my body language; but the word will mean nothing to you, and you’ll probably write me off as some kind of crazy person. But if I tell you to reverse all of the letters in my word, a meaning will emerge for you, and my guess is that – even now – you will suddenly feel different.
So … assuming that you have done the deciphering … the question is: ARE you?
Are you apathetic? Are you indifferent or unconcerned about the many, many young people who are severely damaged or destroyed because of bullying and other forms of violence in relationships? Are you uninterested in the fact that young bullies grow up to be adult bullies? Are you waiting for you or someone you love to become the target of one or more bullies, and possibly the latest tragic victim of bullycide?
Please don’t be. Don’t be apathetic. Don’t be indifferent. Don’t be unmotivated. Don’t be one of the people who assume nothing can be done to make a difference. As historian and minister, Edward Everett Hale, famously said, “I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”
And, please, don’t try to affix blame. There is more than enough of that to go around if that’s the game you want to play. It’s better to BE game … to be willing and determined … to take on more responsibility for doing everything you can possibly do to prevent future tragedies like Rhianna’s. Don’t leave it as the sole responsibility of boards of education which, in many cases, are already doing as much or more than any agency to address this issue. Don’t leave it to the purveyors of our morality; if our congregations could ensure our morality, they would have already done so. And don’t leave it to those who are responsible for crime and punishment. By the time it gets to that level, it’s already too late.
And remember this: Whenever any of us encounter problems that are bigger than we are, there is ALWAYS … ALWAYS … someone, somewhere, who is ready, willing, able, and available to help us deal successfully with the problems. Our job is to FIND them!
I am one who is very careful about using absolute terms like “never” and “always,” but in this case, I have no hesitance whatsoever. Help is always available for those of us who need it if we are willing to keep searching until we find it. And alternately, sometimes lives are saved based on the smallest acts of caring delivered at the right moment to those who are hurting. We can be among the ones who bring that deliverance.
Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love.” There is not much that could possibly be more damaging when it stands against love than bullying at any and every level. Our mission for justice is clear. As Leo Buscaglia succinctly put it, “It’s overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt.”
To me … and to lots of other people … love that moves us into action is the answer. But what do YOU think? Feel free to tell us right here:
http://www.startstrongwichita.org/Teens/contact.html
http://www.startstrongwichita.org/Parents/contact.html
For more on Rhianna Lynn Morawitz and this topic, see:
http://www.kansas.com/2011/09/24/2030128/suicide-victim-may-have-been-bullied.html
http://startstrongwichita.org/blog/2011/04/bullycide-the-faces-of-teen-tragedy/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTblveQ4Zag
R.I.P Rhianna Lynn Morawitz. | Facebook
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
