1.) Discuss how to act as a healthy Upstander and friend when young teens observe unhealthy behaviors in their peers.
2.) Encourage open, honest, and thoughtful reflection about healthy relationships and teen dating violence and possible interventions. Allow teens to clarify their values and expectations for healthy relationships. Allow youth to debate those issues and to come to their own understanding, rather than dismissing answers as “wrong”. Communication with your child about relationships is an on-going process rather than a one-time conversation.
3.) An effective parent balances sensitivity with firmness; adapts to the changes faced by your young teen, talks openly and respects differences of their opinion; is strong enough to make unpopular decisions; and doesn’t always get along with or agree with their young teen. Teach – don’t just criticize!
4.) Understand your teen’s development and how it affects your relationship. Adolescence is all about experimentation. From mood swings to risk taking, “normal teenage behavior” can appear to be anything-but-normal. However, new research reveals that brain development during these formative years plays a significant role in shaping your teen’s personality and actions. Knowing what’s normal is key so you can better understand and guide your teen.
5.) Understand the pressure and the risk your teen faces. There are new and increasing pressures and expectations, such as sex, substance use and avoiding abuse from peers or dating partners. Teens often voice the concern that their parents don’t take the time to listen and resolve situations that matter to them. Think in terms of reducing harm vs. zero tolerance.
6.) Take a clear stand against disrespect, abuse of power, any forms of violence, or use of abusive or inappropriate language with a firm and clear message.
7.) Make the most of “teachable moments” to discuss healthy and unhealthy relationships — using TV episodes, movies, news, community events, learning about friends’ experiences, etc.
8.) Accentuate the positive. Talks about relationships need not to focus solely on risky behavior or negative consequences, but should also address factors that promote healthy adolescent development and positive outcomes (i.e.: academic success, relationships should be fun and fulfilling, supportive, etc.)
9.) Be an active participant in your teen’s life. Encourage your teen to be involved in extracurricular activities. Find outings that you can share with your teen. Explore ways to know more about their friends and interests.
10.) You know that there is no magic pill, no simple method that works every time. You will make mistakes. The best we can do is help teens make the most responsible choices possible by maintaining a balance between being sensitive to their desires and needs, yet firm in providing guidance and direction.
