Ownership vs. Earnership: Getting the Hook-Ups That Matter
If you are in a relationship, are you looking for ways to OWN your partner … or should you discover ways to truly EARN your partner’s love and respect?
Based on growing evidence about dating violence between teenagers and pre-teens (and the adults many of them become), it seems like many folks are thinking “ownership” rather than “earnership.” Some years ago, the investment firm Smith-Barney became famous for the tag line, “Smith-Barney. They make money the old-fashioned way: they EARN it!”
So why do we point this out? Because with a little paraphrasing, this advice is perfect for any teen looking for love to share. For guys, it would go something like this: “Smart guys. They make good relationships the old-fashioned way; they EARN them!” This paraphrased advice is good for everyone, really; but let’s be clear: there are a TON of guys who need to get this advice! Why? Because a huge chunk of society’s momentum makes it seem like people in general … and girls and women in particular … are objects that guys get to OWN … not equally valuable human beings whose respect and love are what interested guys should work to EARN! You Don’t Get To Own Her!
Even if you manage to successfully use force to keep a woman by your side, in your life, or at your service, not only will you be earning only her fear and dread rather than her true respect or love, but one way or the other you will be living only a shadow of what’s possible in a relationship. You can, also, start counting the days until either the relationship … or (heaven forbid) YOU (or your freedom) will come to an end. People do not respond happily to being “owned.”
“Female” Is Not a Synonym for “Object!” Let’s talk about girls. We could talk all day about the ways that women are objectified in society, but let’s just look at one excellent example: males behaving in ways that dehumanize females. If we are able to de-humanize a girl, psychologically, it makes it much easier to abuse her. For instance, calling a girl a “bitch” instead of using her real name de-humanizes her. At this point, she is not human; she is a female dog. This gives the abuser presumed “rights” to abuse her. After all, it is his responsibility to keep his “dog” under control.
The trouble here is that she is not a dog. She is a human just like him and deserves to be treated with dignity and respect; but by degrading her to no more than a dog, it makes it easier for the abuser – psychologically if not actually – to justify doing whatever he wants to have power and control over her.
To make matters worse, there are various and countless media images that picture some sort of one-dimensional ideal girl or woman that rarely even exists in real life. In print, she has little or no intellect or personality at all … just a body and face manipulated, dressed up and decorated by designers and advertisers to get your attention in everything from posters, to billboards, to magazines, to print ads, to catalogs, to store displays, to … (yes we’ll dare to say it) pornography … and then to get something from you.
Then there are the television shows, and movies, and sound-bite “news” items that give you a carefully created image that masquerades as real. Almost all of these images are characters … not people; and where real people ARE presented, it is mostly “public personas” you see … not the real 24/7 person who is different from the “Best-Foot-Forward” version you see in the media. And then, when you look around in your everyday life, you often find girls and women who buy into this hyped up version of female beauty and attractiveness. They get dressed up and decorated to the best of their ability in an effort to be just like the females who are actually designed to sell them the costumes, beauty products, and services that corporate America wants to sell.
This is NOT real life; but the imagery definitely contributes to the idea that women are objects or targets and creates an environment where teen dating violence and abuse are much more likely. Do You Deserve a REAL Girl? (Wanna know how to spot one?) Real girls are out there, but you have to know how to spot one and earn her love. Interested? Check it out here.
*If you are interested in seeing an old film of one of the Smith-Barney TV ads, visit the following URL. You’ll wait about twenty seconds for the ad to start, but it’s there. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFpPovznSG8
Robert Simon
Violence Prevention Specialist
Start Strong Wichita
