“Bullying is for losers.”
That’s what a very emotion Lady Gaga said to fans during a concert a few days after the death of her “little monster” Jamey Rodemeyer. The 14-year old New Yorker took his own life after years of enduring abuse from his peers. In the aftermath of his suicide, Gaga is anything but sidelined. She has made stopping bullying her mission. You don’t have to dawn a meat dress, though, to up-end abuse.
There’s a keen difference between seeing and doing. In a fast moving world, we are saturated with visual stimulation. Everywhere we turn, moving images invade our optical pathways. We seem to have become so entranced by the collective scenes that play out in our daily life, that we often find ourselves bystanders when personal peril unfolds before our eyes.
Inaction can have dire consequences. If you don’t believe me, Google the words “teenage bullying”. You’ll find a host of stories—national and local—that narrate what happens when we are spectators. This issue has gotten a lot of attention recently, but there’s an angle to this that can’t be over reported—where YOU stand in the bully matrix.
How many of you have ever been witness to someone being bullied? How many of you intervened to stop it? Recent statistics show that a kid is bullied every seven minutes; yet, 85% of the time no one steps in to intervene. There’s a huge disconnect between what we’re seeing and what we’re doing.
Bullying isn’t just a matter of personal trauma; it’s a community health issue. Kids in school who are bullied are five times more likely to be depressed and at far greater risk for suicide. The consequences don’t graduate. All of us know someone effected by domestic violence. Research has shown that the playground bullies of today are the abusive spouses and intimate partners of tomorrow. Sometimes ill treatment gets self-directed. A report by the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention found that those who bully and are bullied are much more likely to feel lonely and isolated, have difficulty making friends, experience trouble completing school, and are more drawn to smoking and drinking.
Bullies eventually move on. When they do, self-flagellation can take their place. So often we buy into a self-defeating narrative; we cause ourselves more harm than any other person ever could. Research is showing that a growing number of social problems pervade adulthood as a result of adolescent bullying. Difficulties forming healthy romantic attachments, trouble holding steady employment, and issues with mental health are ticking time bombs in the landmine of a survivor’s life.
It’s time to stop being a bystander and start being an UPSTANDER. When you see someone being singled out and picked on for any reason, intervene. If you are in high school, actively make it know that bullying is the anti-cool. When you see a fellow student being tormented, talk to the tormenter. You don’t have to be confrontational in your approach; simple statements of reason are effective. Often the bully is hurting just as much as the person he or she is bullying. A dialogue started could be the beginning of healing for more than one party. Parents and educators are culpable in the equation, too. The days of viewing adolescent taunts as rights of passage are over; we now know that bullying is a serious, life-threatening epidemic.
There are local resources to help, too! Start Strong Wichita’s website is where you’ll find a wealth of information about how to upend abuse by being an Upstander. Students, teachers, and parents have life saving tools at the tips of their fingers—right here in Wichita.
Don’t let yourself get lost in the maze of interactions before your eyes. When you see abuse happening, do something. Bullying IS for losers; bystanding is a loser’s accomplice.
Parents, teens, and teachers can find resources about bullying and ways to get involved in stopping it in Wichita by visiting the resource pages on www.StartStrongWichita.org.
Jason Dilts, Freelance Writer
Wichita, KS
