Parenting is hard, there is no question about it. With more kids online, texting on their phones, and messaging, the amount of information to keep straight can seem overwhelming at first. But hopefully these six tips can help coordinate some of it.
1. Recognize the difference between what parents think and teens think.
Denial can be the most dangerous parental emotion. We may not call what kids are doing as ‘dating’ but kids definitely believe that they are. In fact, kids report dating at younger ages than ever before, and few are getting serious conversations at home about what good relationships look like.
2. If your teen is online, you NEED to know their password
Parenting in a digital age is very difficult. There is a fine line between being a parent that monitors and being controlling. Attempting to find that balance is essential to your teen’s safety. Kids do not understand that anything they publish about themselves will exist forever. One false step or misjudgment can affect them forever. As parents, it is important to know what children are posting and what others are trying to communicate with them. They may be having contact with dangerous people, they may be speaking inappropriately with their friends, or they may be the victim of an abusive relationship. The truth is, we need to know.
3. If your teen is using Social Networking sites like myspace and facebook, join the sites yourself and become their friend
Make it a family project. You can see what your teen is posting, you can share photos and videos. But a few words to the wise, try not being a constant presence. Kids don’t always appreciate it when parents post a comment on every one of their pictures, try not to write something on their walls every day. A good rule is let the kids enjoy their space and ask them if it’s okay to post on their profiles, look like a friend. Use Facebook and MySpace as a way to connect with your child’s other parents. Comment maybe only once a week, but continue to review the public content of your child’s profiles. Join our parenting community at www.facebook.com/startstrongwichita If you need help setting up a Facebook account, ask your teen. If you do not feel comfortable asking your teen, feel free to contact us and we will happily walk you through how to setup your own account.
4. Set boundaries for the times and places that teens can be on the cell phones and the internet
From the moment a child wakes up to the time they go to sleep, they are constantly communicating. Some teens report texting over 1,000 times during a typical school day. Some report messaging online until 3 or 4 in the morning, and many students report that their parents don’t even know. After 9pm the reasons for a teen to be communicating are limited. Late night cyber activity invites mischievousness and can be dangerous. SEXTING has become a common vocabulary word among today’s youth. Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos electronically, primarily between mobile phones. ABCNews reports that 20% of adolescent females admit to having sent a nude photograph via cell phone. In order to keep your teen safe, it’s best to collect their phones at a set time, let’s say 8pm. If they need to get a hold of you, they can just walk to your door. It’s important to monitor who your teens are messaging and discuss what kinds of content is appropriate. It’s better for your teen to be prepared than to be the victim (or the perpetrator) of dating abuse or harassment.
5. Build an online parenting community
You won’t be the only parent enforcing these rules. You won’t be the only parent online with your kids. You won’t be the only parent knowing your teens passwords. You are not the ‘uncool’ parent if everyone is also doing it. These communities can be great resources for communicating strategies that other parents have used and worked.
6. Be the example
Kids see and kids do. Abuse desensitizes children who can ultimately become abusers themselves. Moreover, a teen who witnesses violence in the home is three times more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior and it is six times more likely to have issues with teen pregnancy occur. In 2008, 1 in 10 children under the age of 18 (9.8 percent) had witnessed one family member assault another, and 1 in 5 (20.3 percent) had witnessed a family assault sometime during their lifetime. (www.ncvc.org) The conversations are not easy, but your teen is better off unhappy than unsafe. Ultimately, violence prevention starts in the home. Parents are still the most influential part of a teens core values. Hopefully these tips provide you with your own framework so you can set the boundaries, follow the tenants, and help us prevent violence in our community at your home.
